The Sun And The Sea

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The Sun And The Sea

By Ryan Johnston

For Sunni D.

There's always something, left unsaid

And I know someday will come too late

If the castles we built, that ruled the sand

Get washed away, by the waves in retreat

Our hearts are ripped away, but in time they come back

Crashing to our chests, like you were pulled to me

And if the Sunni days, orange like tangerines

Filled with skeletons, and clouds with warranties

Turn to icy lakes on Valentines Day

And Memories that we would sooner forget

I'll still write these words down for you

Where they will wash ashore, like seashells at your feet

Scattered and alone, along an empty beach

They will whisper to you, the name of a place, 

Where we will meet again

Memories are like the footprints, imprinted in your sand

And there is something in the water, pulling you towards me

And as you're floating through my mind tonight

I know you'll never wash away

I know I'll never forget, how you hit me like the raging sea

Safely

Press Play To Listen To:

Safely - By Hot Rod Circuit

Safely
By Hot Rod Circuit


Smoke it down
Until you smell the flesh 
Burning from your finger tips
You're knuckles are white
From beating on the walls at night
Cast your worries to the side
Focus only when you get the time
Gonna lose your mind
It happens all the time

Maybe I can tell you

To keep your head up and follow through

Good things will come to you

I could worry myself to death about you

Hope you get there safely

I got your letter that you sent to me

About your misery

A state of suffering

It's such a shame to see

Years of discretion and of a sound mind

A suicide is for the weaker kind

Maybe I can tell you

To keep your head up and follow through

Good things will come to you

I could worry myself to death about you

Hope you get there safely

And your unhappiness

Emotional Distress

And your unhappiness

Maybe I can tell you

To keep your head up and follow through

Good things will come to you

I could worry myself to death about you

Hope you get there safely

And your unhappiness

Emotional Distress

And your unhappiness

More than light.wmv

Sparta - Atlas

Well I loved this town like you did

I’ll burn it to the ground

Packed your things and then

You were gone

Called a new place home

Like you do

And you’ll never change

Well I got a feeling inside

It’s going to happen again

There’s a fire deep in your eyes

They've never seen before

Like you do

And you’ll never change

More than lights expose

Who you are

Sea Stories

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Sea Stories

By Ryan Johnston

They say, these things come
In waves, and they'll find you

Writing letters, from the shoreline

Or sinking, deep to the bottom

Anchored, to this sadness 

That keeps you in place 

Endless, are the low tides 

Tangled up, in this tension 

Hanging on to the bitter end 

But once in a while 

Someone will come along 

Cutting the lines 

And you find yourself, 

Moving again, 

Back to the start

And, after a while

Someone will come along

Walking through walls

And you'll find yourself

Forgetting, what it was

You built so hard, to keep out

But then, there were those times

What about those times?

You and I, Charting all of those sounds

Navigating around all the bends

Planning all the routes we'd take

Those days were an open ocean

Even moving ahead

I'm still back there

Where ideas would erupt inside you

And I was the village below

How could I help but catch fire?

And now I voyage alone

Clouds block out sunlight

In all time, darkness

But once in a while,

The sun will come along

Breaking the clouds, 

And you find yourself, 

In daylight again, 

This breeze falls around us

Becoming the wind, 

Where you still move me, 

Even from behind

But then, there were those times

What about those times?

You and I, finding direction

Even in the starless sky

Pulling light from the moon

Unveiled by you

And six strings become our compass

And moving on, moving ahead

I can't help but feel, we both lose

Now I voyage alone

This breeze falls all around me

And calm is like the justice 

For all those who consider 

This sinking, and these wasted days 

A crime against, the better things 

That you have been 

When the doors were wide open

And the sun poured like drops of rain

Through the cracks of swollen clouds

While everyone else, was still sleeping

Distances

Photography by Meghann Keeley Stone 
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Distances 

By Ryan Johnston 

Up hill, and so distant

The flags half mast

They’re sailing in the wind, like waving hands

Overfilled, yet so vacant

The scene above 

Cast over me, like a tragedy

Visceral, and so dreamy

The purple clouds

And this black skyline, that I’m lying in

Breathe in, and let it go

But I’m still here

Locked up in your chest, 

Like a souvenir

So far, from all we've been

Distance me, from everyone, 

And everything

I’m constricting you again

Disappear, from these years

Away from everyone

And everything

I’m constricting you again

Move on, go away

And did you ever think

All the weightless things

Could be so heavy?

Move on, get away

I didn't ever think

I would be blinded

By what I couldn't see

Up hill, and so distant

The flags half mast

I’m sailing in the wind

They wave their hands 

But I’m somewhere else

December

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December
By Ryan Johnston

I got these things living inside of me

And sometimes, they just won't let me breathe. 

If I could run fast enough, the other way

I could end up back in that time

I got this feeling in the back of my mind

I'd change everything. Find you, again

Well, I've been trying to sleep at night

But, these years are lining up outside

I found you, while I was filling the holes

Because I couldn't even move without falling in 

I used to think that you'd save my life

Because it was you, somehow, that knew me best

You say the one thing, that could fill up your heart

Won't come to you, when you're looking so lost

So I guess that gives me something to find

But these nights, they've been getting to me

And you wished I had something better to say

That you were leaving soon either way

Well, me too. Yeah, me too

Well, there's a war deep inside of me

Doesn't seem like anybody could win

There's a wild fire spreading through me

And I just can't seem to snuff it out

Passing you, walking down our old stairs

Slow motion, as we both laughed and smiled

And there's this feeling, all around me tonight

That I'm never going to see you again

Hope Plus Less

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Hope Plus Less

By Ryan Johnston

Tonight, I learned 

That there is a deep

Beneath the floor 

The one with the rocks 

That they speak of

You said

Hold your breath

Swim, or float your way

Back up to the top

Hold my hand

‘Cause the worlds

Spinning out of control

Like a carousel, inferno

Can you see in the dark?

Can you find your own way out?

It never looks the same

Like it did, walking in with you

With you

Today, I climbed 

This mountain of hurt 

Shaped from your words

They slide from the top of your mind

An avalanche spilling off of your tongue

And they find me down below

Walking around

And they bury me

Until you dig me back out

Those thoughts you speak

Once grew like trees

That light from your eyes

It would filter through the leaves

Causing me to see

The parts of my life

I had reported missing

They were right there in front of me

Can’t you see me in the dark?

Can’t you feel what I’m talking about?

There is this fire burning inside, for you

For you

I fell asleep 

In that day time forest with you

Waking up to myself 

Waking up, and then you were gone

Well, I’m still asleep inside

And I know I’ll open up my eyes

With you laying next to me in my bed

Paint your nails blue while you dream

And I would never leave your side

Sometimes I think 

Something happened to me

There is this trauma, 

There is this injury

And when you leave, 

Next week, and you head up north

You close the door, 

On everything we are

On everything we've been

And every memory, 

Of you and me

I will always remember

Remember, to forget

There is this fire 

Burning my life, 

Without you

Without you

The Summer With The Sun

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The Summer With The Sun

By Ryan Johnston

Summertime flies by again,

Waving goodbye, with the grace of a hurricane

The weight behind it’s vengeful hand

Pulled our bridges down 

From that view, we could finally see 

They were held together 

By nothing more than our dreams

Crashing loud, to the hardest ground

Cutting air, and the sound it makes

When it echoes in your tired mind

Falling away into that empty canyon, 

The slice we made on that wall of time

Never heals, and it always bleeds

One Summer, I know I’ll find you again

The wreckage in your rear-view mirror

Is the rubble that used to be our home

Sometimes it feels like we’re still there

Underneath the stars, underneath the stairs

Seven Years, at four in the morning

My eyes ignite, your voice is a spark

The room is gasoline, when you sing into the dark

Falling from the sky, you’re the burning rain

And I still find myself running through it

Crashing down, without a sound

A falling tree, in the forest with no one around

The silent air holds me there

In Winter’s frozen headlights

And everything fell down

That weekend you left town

The lights went out for me 

Apartment walls breathed me in

It was like all the time we killed

Waited upstairs for revenge

Blood poured out from those walls

Like a heartbreak waterfall

Treading downstairs 

After everybody was gone

I remember thinking, that I could spend the rest of my life

Sitting outside in the warm night, and listen to you talk

About childhood ghosts and imaginary friends

Connecting with black cats and mystical things

You never see it ending, until your writing it all down

I remember thinking, that I could spend the rest of the night

Trying to explain how you colored my eyes like the sunrise

Does to the morning sky, when I was just getting out of work

I can still see the broken stool outside the front door

Where we used to talk about all of our dreams

We couldn’t know then, that we would never fall back to sleep

The Quiet

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The Quiet

By Ryan Johnston

The quiet today
Engraved me, stoned me

Carve me like an artist

Draw me, like a breath

Nighttime inspires

Sleeping, less and less

I paraded yesterday

Dressed up as rain

I Fell from the clouds

That stormed inside my head

And I fell for you

So deep, 

I've been falling ever since

Crashing 

Through the ceiling

Into a house, no one was living

Inside the walls, l found two cats

And a girl, who was a mirror

She reflected things,

I had never seen

She was a queen, 

She was a bird

Her lips cemented me, 

Her face was poetry

She took me in, for all I was

And everything, I had never been

We spoke one day, 

Never using words

We framed the walls, 

With songs and pictures

Writing verses into thin air 

So much of who I am

I found with you, those times

So much of what I was

I lost when we both died

A piece of me, Is still hanging there

On the broken letters

Of every word that went unspoken

But never unheard

One day I got too close

My wings caught fire

I fell into those waves

An ocean made of mirrors

I drown in her reflection

Beds become ceilings

In the quiet today

Out through the roof 

As a droplet of rain 

Back into the clouds

This dream comes to end

Queens marry kings

Fools die alone

Building walls around myself

Blocking out the light

Nothing gets inside of this

No need, to come back out

The Glass Half Empty

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The Glass Half Empty

By Ryan Johnston

For SD

Tonight, I said goodbye

To cats, and trees, and seasons

The memories slide from my mind

But you get stuck inside my eyes

Frozen this time, since you went away

I wait up every night, for you to rise and fill the sky

The things we said, and what we almost did

Turn into feelings, forever left unsaid

In time, they will die and fade away

But a piece of you, will always live inside of me

Moving me like the wind

Black cats, and fairy-tales

Dying kingdoms, and flooded ships 

I tried so hard, to keep them all from sinking

But the end of the story, had already been written

Glass slippers, stuck in haunted stairs 

Covered in sheets, like the ghosts we are now

Collecting dust, in this place we used live

To say goodbye, I say that no one else 

Could shape this piece of time 

That was made for us to fit

Or walk in the footsteps,

Of a glass, that only you can fill

Time takes care of everyone

Mending our wounds, helping us forget

A comforting hand, wrapped around your throat

A friendly face, with a knife behind it's back

And as the walls of the kingdom

Fall down, and crumble all around me

Everything is changing, nothing looks the same

She lives inside of me like the quiet

And that part, is only for me

If You Let It

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If You Let It

By Ryan Johnston

Today, a new friend

We waited together, 

We waited for a bus that never came

I never caught his name

We smoked cigarettes

Dallas, Texas

He had never been back

I was never coming back

He lived in a car, last winter

It was cold, but not that cold

He had seen colder

Things had to get better, he stated

I sensed more question, than statement

I said that I didn't know

He pointed to a restaurant

The food used to be better, I said

A lot of things used to better, he said

I never caught his name

The bus was late today

An accident

The bus was hit by another car

An old man looked at me as I walked on

He said nothing, he didn't have to

There are hard lives on the bus

Hard lines

An hour late, an angry man

He cursed, in another language

An accident , people hurt

One of those days, a man said

The bus driver replied

Every day, is one of those days

Weaving, and winding 

Through these narrow roads

We pick up, we drop off

The people are nameless

Their faces are timeless

Weaving and winding roads

They weave through me

There is sadness here, that I cannot place

Maybe it's me, 

I don't think it's only me

We picked her up last

She was attractive, she was pretty

She looked for a seat

She smiled at me

I looked away

I sat across both seats

Just in case

She was probably nice

But I didn't know her, 

So I guess I didn't know

A movie again,

Just like a movie

Someone used to say that me

I miss someone

A beautiful sunset

The sun behind purple clouds

Exploding with blue light and dark grey

It could shatter these windows, 

If you let it

I notice the contrast, before the beauty

I miss someone

We stop where I'm going

Where am I going?

I get my things, 

She smiles at me again

I look away, I walk away

They watch me, like I watched them

There are hard lives on a bus,

Hard lines

The Tempo Of October

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The Tempo Of October
By Ryan Johnston

I fell

With all the grace
That I just don't have
Tripped on my tongue
Now I'm stuck to this floor
'Cause I just can't pick 
Myself up anymore

"Land safe, write home
You're not alone, 
We all love you."
It's things they say
To fill up the space
'Cause I'm on the moon
And there's nothing
Up here but holes

I lost you
Out there
In a forest of words
And I burned it all down
'Cause my heart was on fire
And my tongue was the wind

Tomorrow, 
Something new
Feel so free
Like a fly in glue
They don't make maps
To find someone like you
I've been digging holes
Since the day I was born

You are,
So much more
Than the pretty face
That was given to you
They all dress you for school
Lock the door to your room
So you don't fly around
When no one is home

They've never felt
The air from your wings
Or read the verse underneath
The sound of your voice 
When you sing for the trees
For me, it's the chorus 
Flooding my veins

Open Your Eyes

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Open Your Eyes

By Ryan Johnston

Outside the front door

The gravel path is soaking up

The last of this season's warmth

I'm alive, inside these walls

And this place, is where I live

So many days have been,

So many nights will come,

Will there be something left of me?

Will you still be there for me?

Today, I think you will be

But I think we both know

That it never falls quite the same

Maybe this time I'll go without

Because if I see anymore changes 

Or lose one more truth right now,

Then I think I might walk away 

And miss the ending

Burning paper days 

Dragging heavy hearts

Spinning riddles and webs

The answers, stuck inside my head

Counting on, some kind of safe bet

If anything, you just trick yourself

Letting go of weight

Falling down too quick

Taking longer than I ever thought

To get back on my own, again

Filling up what's left of me

With something that I've never been

If anything, it's only truth you find

Irrigate your regret

With the poison from that lake

It's hell you'll cultivate

Deep like the bones that never rest

This is what I've grown

This is what I have become

If anything, I wish we had more time

The path outside

Turns, and leads to a ledge

At night, I would sit out on this rock

Thinking of the mess I'd made

And how hard it's been

To keep my balance, while I'm falling

I know now, that you liked me

With both of my feet on the ground

Across from me, the highway roars

like a dark ocean, it echoes

The only constant, 

I'll probably ever know

Giving everything,

You end up with nothing

I guess it only makes sense

In the night sky, 

The stars go on, and on

I'd give anything

To Keep this all from dying

I'm alive inside these walls 

This place is where I'll live

I'm anchored to a severed rope

A kite without a string 

Sink alone, to the ocean floor

Ripped away, in the summer wind

Leaving History

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Leaving History
By Ryan Johnston

Leaving. Monday.

Goodbye, is for some Thursday

Or, was it already?

There are some things

That you never see

But you will always feel

And there is nothing

Nothing left to say

That could mean, anything

More than, nothing, means to me

Thinking, on a rainy day

In some future

Where a thought is all you'll be

And there are memories

That will jump in front of me

And I will see, last week

When you smiled at me

Holding flash cards, for History

Because we are

And all that we are, is everything we were

Untyped, and hand written

Like me

There are some things

That you never see

But you will always feel

Drawing Pictures

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Drawing Pictures
By Ryan Johnston

October sounds,
Fall inside of me like the rain

Drowning me in last year

And the feeling in that time

The sky is clouded, deep in grey

Past the mountains, 

That always pulled me in

The open air, goes on without an end

Like the deepest ocean

You and I, had almost been

Breathing in the feeling,

Find me while I'm sleeping

Floating to the ceiling

You fit me like a coffin

October sounds,

Sweep me off my feet

The funeral waves, roll like smoke

Consuming this room, burning to ash

Everything, I could never live without

So, carry off this summer

Like a ghostly pallbearer

I mourn every single thing 

And it's everything

That I wish I could change

Lost among the passing seasons

Buried underneath the silent stones

Lie the best of times we killed

Tearing apart, 

Every new one that we build

October sounds,

Run like rivers through these streets

Flooding minds with memories

Filling empty lakes,

In the season of a drought

These bridges still burn

Even underwater

Where I sleep deeply underneath

The perfection and trickery

Of how I wanted everything to be

If the poison apple is a dream

The wicked queen is reality

You're still gone, nothing has changed

But it won't ever be the same

Without you, everyday

Breathing in that feeling

Try to believe I'm not dreaming

Driving you home in the March evening

Through the roof of your orange car

The stars fill up the night sky

Like you filled mine

They fall now like sand

Through a different kind of glass

Clouding our closed eyes

Sliding down your cheek

Like a glowing tear drop

Slipping away like the words

I wished I had never said

Into the cracked cement

Where everything just disappears

But I still feel you there

I wake up on the floor

In a room that I don't know

I see your face everyday

Like a painting I can't forget

The sky is brushed in the deepest grey

And I'm wishing for an empty canvas

And a different kind of paint

A different kind of paint

Rivers

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Rivers
By Ryan Johnston 


Burning alive under a tyrant sun

You lived the way you lived

You lived because you loved

Rainbow eyes on rainy days

Pots of gold, and childhood's end

You never see the fall

Until summer time, 

Is lost among the leaves

Underneath these sometimes stars

And buried deep, in your old backyard

Is her smile, that still clings to you

Like the blood inside your heart

If you see it through, you'll see it's through

If you see it through, you'll see it come to end

We're getting out of here

We are leaving town

So many roads that lead us in

Now the trees have fallen down

The wreckage from the past we built

Towers, like a junkyard through the sky

Memories shimmer, like broken glass

Dancing, when the sun shines just right

And I can't help this sinking feeling

That we burned our own forest down

We are getting out of here

We will leave this place

Our lungs are held like captives

By the nightmares that we breathe

So many roads, leading through this tired town

Now they lead us to the muddy river

It's in that darkness. that we'll drown

Slipping Away

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Slipping Away
By Ryan Johnston

The early morning light, blankets November skies
The day is pre-written, a common eulogy
For all the sleepless nights, we forget about
Unmarked, in the graveyard of our minds

As the sun begins to shape a brand new day,
The stars still linger here, orphaned, but unaware
Waiting for what went away, 
To come back around again
If you look long enough, and let your eyes adjust
The darkness and the light, exist in the same sky
For every one of us

Railing guards the space between, 
The edge we see, and the trust we lean
We are slipping away
From everything we could be
And I know you'll run away
And I just can't be, how you see me

In a lifetime of losing dreams

Are the moments in between

We give it all back in the end

But the meaning that we find

Is something I like to think we keep

Maybe the memories keep us instead

If we have to say goodbye, and leave

And lose touch, so we can forget things

Flatsy shoes, the sun kissed your name

Running through me, like my own veins

Spacing

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Spacing

By Ryan Johnston

The clock is ticking

The ticking is a bomb

I remember thinking, back then

You can't wish on falling stars

In a room with four walls, 

And no windows

She opened up that door, 

And she isn't coming home

You can't exchange

What you knew you shouldn't say

(Even though it didn't fit you)

And there is nothing sparkling

In the precious time you wasted

(Now these mines are empty)

One day, she'll live inside you

Alongside of all your regrets

I am running low on space 

But not short of emptiness

An alphabet inferno

The letters I never made into words

Burning away, in my days

Nighttime, is much much worse

You staked me in a future

Where the past was still hiding out

Ripping and tearing at the cement

But now it's part of the ground

I will try, to lift myself up

From this stained and dirty floor

I will try, to just let it go

I heard the storm found it's calm

And now the wintertime is warm

Maybe I'll find my peace

While I am fighting overseas

The walls of my heart are filled

With six floors and seven keys

And her voice still echoes

Haunting stairways in my dreams

There is one room, 

Where there isn't anything

Locked up from the inside, 

There is no door, and no ceiling

The rain pours in all night and day

But it's far too empty, to ever fill

The weightless words of every song

I thought I knew, but never did

Rise, and become birds again

You fly away, like you were never there

The trouble is remembering

Where It was, I was standing